


Back to the Start

by desole (tearyxz)



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 13:47:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5930619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tearyxz/pseuds/desole
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by "The Scientist" by Coldplay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Back to the Start

Prompt was to write a fic inspired by "The Scientist" by Coldplay.

Quick note: I use roman numeral numbering, and nulla=zero.  
  
  
  
  
X.

Jaebum’s fingers were shaking as he put the finishing touches on the device. He quadrupled checked everything, every bolt, screw, and wire. He’d already taken the entire week before to painstakingly go over every letter and punctuation of the software programming. There could be no mistakes.

All previous failures were leading up to this moment. All the number crunching, all the analyzing, the delving into the intangible relationships between time, space, and the human mind would come to play in this final test. The failed trials of the past must now be forgotten, or doubt would surely overwhelm him, and there could be none of that. Jaebum was determined to achieve what modern science had deemed as still impossible with their current progress in technology.

He needed this to work. He needed to apologize. He needed to tell him how much he loved him, how he was such an idiot and that he was _so damn sorry_.

With a single click of a mouse the machine whirred to life, a countdown beginning.

Jaebum stepped into the glass cubicle, securing the device over his head.

He would go back to the beginning– illusion or not –or die trying.

The countdown ended and Jaebum’s vision dimmed to black, the hum of the outside world fading away.  
  
  
IX.

It didn’t work.

The test had failed, and Jaebum had flown into such a fit of rage he nearly destroyed everything he’d accomplished so far. In fact, it would be quite incorrect to say everything escaped unscathed– his laboratory wall now had a gaping hole where his fist had mercilessly broken through. In the past Jaebum would’ve lamented the cost to get it fixed, but money was all so irrelevant now. All things considered, a broken wall was the best case scenario here.

Ironically, the thought of Jinyoug was what finally calmed him. The thought of Jinyoung at home, sitting on the couch in that favorite white sweater of his, curled up against the armrest as he waited for him to Jaebum to return. Or maybe that white sweater was just Jaebum’s favorite; Jinyoung always looked so effortlessly ethereal in it, he managed to take Jaebum’s breath away every single time. And somehow Jinyoung never seemed to quite grasp how beautiful he was, or how much Jaebum loved him. Oh, Jaebum had no doubt in his mind that Jinyoung was not nearly as innocent and vulnerable as he tried to come off as with his wide eyes and petulant pout, but that only spoke for how well Jinyoung knew he affected Jaebum. He knew exactly how to reel Jaebum in, but had no real idea of how hooked Jaebum already was.

The anger finally simmered down to a low resentment, until it finally gave way to a smoldering guilt.

He would succeed.  
  
  
VIII.

Getting started hadn’t been nearly as difficult as he’d thought. Granted, he’d been expecting it to be virtually impossible, so the rather pathetic amount of existing research and materials had already been quite the boon. It wasn’t much, but it gave him a place to start.

For the first time ever, Jaebum felt thankful that his parents had forced him into the field of neurotechnology. Without the amount of experience and background knowledge he already had, what he was attempting would’ve been absolutely impossible. As it was his ideas were still insane, and even Jaebum wasn’t quite sure exactly what the finished product would accomplish.

But he would push on.  
  
  
VII.

_If only he could do it all over again._

That thought became Jaebum’s drug, a poisonous addiction. The idea was ludicrous; who didn’t wish there was a way to go back into the past, to wash away all regrets? But time and space were not quite so easily altered. Even with the rapid modern advances in technology, humans had only barely begun to unlock the secrets to altering human _perception_ of these two things. Jaebum, of all people, should know better.

If anything, Jinyoung would’ve been the one to believe in such things. He’d always been the dreamier romantic of the two, always forcing Jaebum to go watch whatever new chick-flick that comes out or insisting on celebrating every single kind of anniversary for couples in existence. He was the one that believed in the magic of shooting stars, dragging Jaebum on an around-the-world chase in search of their lucky star (Jaebum forces back the bitter thought of “a whole lot of good that wish did for us”). Jinyoung, probably, wouldn’t have any trouble wrapping his mind around the idea that such high powers could be manipulated by a lowly human.

But perhaps it was because Jaebum was supposed to know better that he’d become so fixated on the concept. He knew that while it was quite impossible, there was also general consensus today it was _theoretically_ possible. And so it devoured his mind, haunting his thoughts during the day and infiltrating his dreams at night until he couldn’t sit still any longer.

_What if._

It’d been months since he last went to work, too long really since he last stepped into his lab or logged onto his work computer database. And when trembling fingers began drawing up theories and research and previous experiments onto the bright LED screen, a tiny flame of hope became lit.

It would later go on to consume Jaebum completely, but that was no matter; he had a purpose again.  
  
  
VI.

The floodgates had been opened. One could always choose to run but it was impossible to hide, and Jaebum had finally been found at hide and seek. He’d clung to all the memories tightly, choosing to cast only one away and now that it had caught up to him, Jaebum’s walls collapsed.

He had no awareness of the tears, only able to process the throbbing pain, the aching hole in his chest, the empty space by his side.

Regret, regret, regret.  
  
  
V.

Jaebum’s ultimate undoing had been harmless, a blunder so so so innocuous in appearance that it became so much more deadly in its poison.

_Jaebum groaned as he hit his head on the table in front of him with three loud thunks. He’d been working on this project for three hours straight and was still not even halfway done; what in the world was his company thinking, giving him such a task that usually would take either three other people or a whole extra week to complete?! The constant banging coming from their neighbor’s house was only making things worse, and Jaebum was seriously about to pull his hair out._

_“Are you hitting your head on the table in angsty frustration again?” Jinyoung’s amused voice floated out from the kitchen and Jaebum reluctantly lifted his head with a sigh._

_“No…”his voice was everything but convincing._

_“You’re a terrible liar, you know that?” Jinyoung shook his head affectionately as he entered the dining room, carrying a bowl of steaming soup. “Here, take a break, I made your favorite~”_

_The first spoonful nearly scalded his tongue, but Jaebum couldn’t care less as he let out a groan of satisfaction._

_“You are a godsend, you know that?”_

_“Of course I do,” Jinyoung responded cheekily, eyes crinkling as he watched Jaebum slurp down the soup. He pulled a chair next to Jaebum, settling down and resting his head on the table sideways to watch Jaebum eat._

_“Do you have a lot left to do? You really need to get some sleep…” Jinyoung said, the concern evident in his voice as he took in the sight of Jaebum’s harrowed face._

_Jaebum paused mid-bite, eyes softening as he tried to reassure Jinyoung._

_“I’ll be fine, once this project is done I’ll get a break. And I’ll get to spend more time with you, promise.”_

_“That’s not what I’m upset about,” Jinyoung sighed, though he did seem slightly more placated. “I work too, but I’m never as tired as you are.”_

_“Once this week of hell is over, things will get a lot better okay? Honestly.”_

_“At least go to bed earlier tonight. I know you pulled an all-nighter last night, don’t even try to deny it,” Jinyoung glared at him sternly._

_“I got a couple hours of sleep…”Jaebum grumbled as he resumed eating, earning a skeptical snort from Jinyoung. “Besides, it’s a wonder you can sleep with all that racket coming from the neighbors’. What in the world are they even doing, trying to raise the devil or what?”_

_Jaebum’s whiny complaint finally succeeded in drawing a genuine laugh out of Jinyoung, who only shook his head in amusement._

_“They’re doing some landscaping stuff I think, and adding on a porch too or something like that? They should be finished within the week too though.”_

_“Well that’s stupid,” Jaebum muttered through his mouthful of soup. “It’s freaking annoying and terribly distracting.”_

_“Oh! Speaking of which, that reminds me! You know I had that inspector dude come over last week to get the house appraised?”_

_“Uh-huh,” Jaebum responded distractedly, attention now focused completely on his soup. He really needed to get back to work if he was ever gonna finish._

_“I’ll give you the estimate and report to look at later, but he did mention we should get our detectors checked. Apparently the fire detector downstairs is out of batteries, and our carbon monoxide detector is completely busted. We’ll have to buy a new one altogether.”_

_“Mmmkay,” Jaebum managed to get out as he lifted the bowl to his lips, downing everything that remained. “I’ll replace the batteries tomorrow and get a new monoxide detector on my way home tomorrow.”_

_“Good,”Jinyoung smiled, satisfied. “Now off to bed you go~”_  
  
  
IV.

If someone had told him prior to meeting Jinyoung that one day he’d become a total sap for someone else, he would’ve scoffed to their face. Jaebum didn’t do romance, didn’t do sweet words and poetic wooing.

But now he could only grudgingly admit to the magic of love; it was truly something miraculous, capable of changing everything.

_Jaebum tried to enter as softly possible, sighing in relief when their usually fickle door chose not to squeak today. He kicked off his shoes more carelessly than he usually would have, dropping his coat on the back of chair rather hurriedly as he began shedding his clothes on the way to the bathroom. He wasted no time there, taking care of all necessary hygiene as quickly as possible before padding to the bedroom._

_This door he opened with even more caution– Jinyoung was a light sleeper, after all– and was pleased when the figure under the blankets didn’t stir. He slid under the covers carefully, taking extra notice not to jostle the bed too much. It took barely two seconds after Jaebum completely settled with his chest against Jinyoung’s warm back that the other automatically pressed back against him, body curling to fit Jaebum’s form._

_There was no one to see Jaebum’s blissful grin as he gently tugged Jinyoung yet even closer with an arm around the waist, but it didn’t matter as Jinyoung released a contented sigh from his dreams as well._

_Jaebum soon joined him in slumber._  
  
  
III.

He never believed in things such as love at first sight, and to this day Jaebum would scorn the concept. Attraction at first sight, yes, but falling in love with a total stranger you knew nothing about? Preposterous.

Except Jinyoung would probably smack him and then pout in protest, but he’d be forgiven within five minutes so it didn’t really matter anyways.

_“Hey! You’re Im Jaebum, right?”_

_Jaebum turned around only to be greeted by one of the most blinding smiles he’s ever seen, beaten only perhaps by his annoying definitely-not-best-friend Jackson Wang._

_“Uh, yeah, that’s me!”Jaebum replied somewhat cautiously. He’d learned the hard way to be wary of any person who even remotely resembled any facet of Jackson’s personality._

_“Great! I’m Park Jinyoung, nice to meet you!” the boy stuck out his hand for a handshake, eyes crinkling as he continued to beam at Jaebum._

_“Um, nice to meet you too?” Somehow his response came out more as question than a statement as he carefully shook Jinyoung’s hand, making the other laugh._

_“I’m your new roommate!”_  
  
  
II.

Memories played as if on repeat. Some came in fragments, fractals reflected off a shattered mirror or a broken window. Others came in a day’s entirety, like filmed scenes from some cheesy romance movie.

Every single one was crystal clear, sharp as a knife and Jaebum bled with each repetition. He began to wonder if he was a masochist. He relished in the pain, because it reminded him he was real by cutting through the numbness. It proved he hadn’t forgotten.

Jaebum didn’t want to move on so he was stuck on meaningless repeat, choosing to punish himself instead.  
  
  
I.

Everything was surreal. The call was surreal, the drive to the hospital was surreal, and the doctor’s proclamation had been the most surreal of all.

The tears wouldn’t come. Crying would be acknowledging reality, coming to terms with his failure. His failure as a boyfriend, as a lover, as a friend, and as a human being.

A failure to Jinyoung.  
  
  
NULLA.

Jaebum forgot to buy a new carbon monoxide detector.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: After reading, I really really recommend you read [these notes here](http://tearyxz.tumblr.com/thescientistnotes) for this fic, it's my first time doing something like this but I feel it's warranted as it'll answer a lot of questions and this was kinda a confusing fic ^^;

And as always, do comment if you enjoyed, it makes me happy~ :3


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